Politics and depression

Election day has finally arrived. The point of this article is not to persuade anyone of my political views. Everyone is entitled to their views. What I will say is that who you vote for says a lot about you.

I wanted to write this is to highlight something I don’t think gets enough attention. I searched YouTube for “depression due to politics” and didn’t find much.

Yet, if I were to rank reasons for my despondency, hopelessness, and depression right now, I would put the sorry state of the world and society today at the top of the list.

Don’t get me wrong, my mother’s death in March 2021 triggered my current state of affairs. I still mourn her every day. Not a moment goes by that I don’t miss her and the emotional support she provided and the pure happiness she gave me.

COVID fatigue also took a huge toll on my mental state. I had to working long, stressful hours under difficult conditions for about eighteen months. I didn't have the luxury of many others of being able to work remotely from home. Those long, stressful hours led to burn out and PTSD issues which I still deal with to this day.

I have come to the realization that I have always suffered from depression. It runs in my family. It is in my DNA.

But this last decade has made matters much worse. With the 2024 presidential campaign winding to an end, I've underestimated how devastating one individual has been to my mental health. That individual's name is Donald J. Trump.

Again, I don’t know how many times I feel the need to preface this by saying I am not making a political statement here. I am discussing a mental condition.

I consider myself a Democrat, but I have voted for Republican candidates in the past. I have never been a believer in labels in those terms.

I am not black or white, Caucasian or Hispanic. I am not Catholic or Islamic. I am human. I'm not even American. I am a human. We are all humans. We are all mortal. 

As JFK once said when making a speech referring to the Russian people and their leaders, “We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children’s future.” It really is that simple.

I grew up during the presidency of Ronald Reagan, a Republican. I had to wait twelve long years before I got to realize a Democrat as president. By the time Bill Clinton got elected president in 1992, I was already a senior in college.

I remember thinking that George W. Bush had no chance at winning the election in 2000. Al Gore was vastly more qualified. Bush had been a drunk when he was younger. He was more into partying than focusing on his studies. He was living off his name.

I couldn’t believe it when Gore lost to Bush. Did he, though? Gore handled the controversial loss with class and dignity.

I was a big fan of John Kerry when he ran against Bush in 2004.  Kerry was a war hero. He was the senator from my neighboring state of Massachusetts for many years.

He reminded me of my idol, John F. Kennedy. His name was almost the same. I was devastated when Bush won again.

So I have seen a lot of political campaigns. I consider myself a political buff, maybe even a historian. I remember every campaign well since the 1984 Reagan-Mondale race.

I remember the 73-year-old Reagan having a witty comeback prepared for when he was asked in a debate about age being an issue in the race. He replied that he would not make age an issue by exploiting, for political gain, his opponent’s youth and inexperience. I can see Mondale smiling and laughing as if it were yesterday.

I remember all the campaign gaffes. Mondale may well not have been the Democratic nominee in 1984 had it not been for another candidate, Gary Hart, a married man, having been photographed on a boat with a young woman sitting on his lap. He was forced to quit the race shortly thereafter.

Michael Dukakis was the Democratic nominee in 1988 against the senior George Bush. Dukakis, like Kerry, was from my neighboring Massachusetts so I had a strong rooting interest. 

A couple of things cost Dukakis in that campaign. One was a poorly conceived photo-op of Dukakis with an over-sized helmet looking very unnatural standing in a military tank.

The second thing that Dukakis did in was a response he gave at one of the presidential debates regarding capital punishment. Dukakis was asked if he would be in favor of the death penalty for an individual if they raped and murdered his wife, Kitty. What a question, right? You would be incensed if someone asked you that. Not Dukakis. He paused for a moment, and then gave a very reasoned, stoic,  monotone response saying he wouldn't favor the death penalty.

Bill Clinton almost wasn’t elected president in 1992 because of his refusal to give a straight answer as to whether or not he had ever smoked marijuana. Ultimately, he admitted he did, but that he “didn’t inhale.”

So I’ve seen candidates I’ve supported win and lose. It’s natural. It is just like sports. My favorite sports teams don’t always win. I’ve been more devastated when my favorite sports teams have lost in championship games than when any particular politician lost an election.

The worst defeat I’ve had to endure – and which haunts me to this day – is when the Patriots lost to the New York Giants in the Super Bowl in 2008 preventing them from going 19-0 that year. It would have been only the second undefeated season in NFL history and would have cemented that team as being the greatest team in NFL history. But enough about that.

While I have voted for Republicans for Congress and local offices, I have never voted for one for President. I don’t think it will ever happen, but I would never rule it out. 

I liked Mitt Romney, 2008 Republican’s Presidential nominee. I like him even more now. He is one who doesn’t view things along party lines. He was one of the only Republicans to vote to impeach Donald Trump.

I respected John McCain. The man was a war hero in every sense of the word. He was definitely not “a loser” like Trump once called him. 

Even time has softened my views on both Bushes and Reagan. I was disappointed when all of them won the elections, but I got over it. I was comforted in knowing that they all did what was right for the country.

Reagan was instrumental in ending the Cold War and bringing down the Soviet Union. George H.W. Bush was a masterful diplomat and led one of the most efficient war efforts in history overseeing the Gulf War. His son, George W. Bush, handled the days after 9/11 with strength and compassion.

But Donald Trump is different. He represents all that is wrong in the world to me. The man is pure evil. He is the most selfish person I have ever seen. He is the worst candidate for any political office I have ever seen. 

Why doesn’t everyone else see this? I don’t get it. And it bothers me. A LOT.

Like the younger Bush, I laughed when I heard Trump had announced he was going to run for President. It wasn’t a surprise to me. There had been rumors about him running for President since the 1980’s. I just figured he had zero chance. He had no political experience and he had a lot of personal baggage.

Speaking of "bushes," I figured Trump had less than zero percent chance of winning after audio surfaced of him telling Access Hollywood’s Billy Bush in 2006 that when you are a star you could do anything, including grabbing a woman by their crotch and kissing them. 

But, alas, he beat Hillary Clinton in an ugly race in which he threatened to put Hillary in jail when he got elected. It sucked that he won. It was a surprise. It didn’t make me happy, obviously, but I don’t think I felt too much worse than when other Republicans won the presidency.

Again, I figured Trump, ultimately, would do what was best for America. Hey, maybe he would be good for the economy. I always was a believer in keeping America first.

What I didn’t expect was the barrage of negativity and self promoting that would occur every day for the next four years. Every day I’d wake up and ask, “What did he do or say now?”

It was also very disturbing how friendly he was with Putin and Kim Jong Un. It was more than just diplomatically friendly. You could tell Trump admired the two dictators and, dare I say, was jealous of them.

But, still, I wasn’t too worried. Fortunately, there were no crises that needed the attention or decision making of Trump. Until...

COVID hit early in the last year of his presidency. What a disaster. Who will ever forget Trump asking health officials of the feasibility of shooting huge levels of ultraviolet light or injecting disinfectant into people to eradicate the COVID virus? Go ahead. You first.

I feel sorry for the millions of families who lost loved ones during the pandemic. Could many have been saved if we took the disease more seriously in the early stages instead of denying its existence or how deadly it was? Remember people mocking it as just the flu.

His performance during the pandemic began to scare me. This was no joke anymore. This was no reality TV show. This was real life and real people were dying. Yet here he was bragging about the ratings of his COVID daily press conferences as if it was a TV show.

I didn’t know if I could take another four years of hearing his voice and seeing his face on a daily basis. I knew I couldn't. My depression was worsening and I wouldn't have been able to bear four more years of him.

I was, obviously, happy that "Sleepy" Joe Biden won. I would have been happy if anyone else won.

I didn’t think Biden was a great choice. I had never voted for him any of the other times he ran for president.

I still remembered him in 1988 maybe getting one percent of the vote in the Democratic primaries. He was very much a non-factor in that race and that was when he was, probably, at the peak of his powers. I remembered him as being one of the lead interrogators in the Clarence Thomas - Anita Hill hearings which were televised daily.

Even though the 2020 election was over, Trump wasn’t going away. I always say you see someone’s true colors after you break up with them. Trump showed his true colors alright.

He neglected his duties during his final months in office while the pandemic was still raging on. "Betrayal" by Jonathan Karl is an incredible and unbelievable read chronicling Trump's complete dereliction of duty in those final months. After reading that book, I was certain there was no way he will ever be president again. All he did in those final days was sit in his room, watch the news coverage of the election on various networks, and make phone calls to try to get the vote overturned.

Just to put a nail in his coffin, after January 6, I was certain we were done with Donald J. Trump for good. The coward ordered his supporters to march down to the Capitol and fight for their country. He would join them, he said. He didn't, but they did march... and injure and kill. 

There were the images on TV of his supporters entering the Capitol building, storming through the Rotunda where deceased presidents have laid in state, destroying precious artwork and statues, looting offices, and threatening to harm Mike Pence and Nancy Pelosi.

There were images from inside the Senate chamber of security officers, with guns drawn, barricading doors. Senators were hiding under their desks.

Trump did nothing. He sat and watched the riot on TV for hours.

People died. I repeat, people died that day because of him.

That should have been the last we ever saw of Trump. I was sure of it. How could it not be?

Yet here we are four years and 34 convictions later, and he is the betting favorite in Vegas to become President of the United States again. How is this possible?

I don’t care who the opponent is. How is this Bible selling, sexual predator, narcissist, felon, racist, dictator wannabe, crook, treasonist, name-calling, morally bankrupt, failed businessman this close to residing in the White House again?

It kills me. And if he wins the election, it may well kill me. I make no promises. I have told me therapist this.

I can not, and will not, endure another four years of this man in my life every day. It is like when you had to go to school and dreaded having to deal with that one bully every single day. It wears you down, and for 180 school days you had to do see their face and endure their insults.

Again, it has nothing to do with Trump being a Republican. It has nothing to do with Kamala Harris, Tim Walz, or JD Vance. 

It has to do with Trump and what he, as a human being, represents. Logic dictates that it follows that my disgust also has to do with the 47% of the American population agreeing with this pompous ass and his beliefs.

A major part of my depression and my, sometimes, suicidal ideations is my questioning if I want to continue living in a world this evil. There is more hatred and violence in this world than ever before. It seems like no one cares, especially the people who could do something about it – our legislators.

Look at the people at Trump’s rallies. Look at the speakers at his rallies and convention. How diversified are they? Do they seem friendly to you?

Racism is alive and well in our country, folks. Trump doesn’t want to deport illegal immigrants. He wants to get rid of Mexicans. His wife is an immigrant, but not Mexican.

Trump said in front of an all-black audience that Mexicans take away “black jobs.” What does he consider "black jobs?" Janitors? Maids? Servants? Cooks? Of course, that's what he means. He means the people that work for him at Mar-a-Lago – the landscapers, the gardeners, the staff.

What does that say about how intelligent he views black people. In the 1970s, he was sued for not allowing black people to live in his properties. Yet, he has the nerve to say he has done more than any president since Abraham Lincoln for black people, and maybe even including Lincoln.

He has spoken recently about taking away TV licenses from networks that he doesn’t like. He has spoken about imprisoning his political enemies. He has spoken about using the military against American citizens to resolve domestic disputes. He has said that domestic enemies from within the United States borders are more dangerous than any foreign threats from Russia, Iran, or North Korea.

Donald Trump is a threat to everyone of our safety. Why 47% of people don’t see it that way is beyond me and proves to me how shallow our society has become. Even if Harris wins, I am sickened by the fact that 70-plus million people will support the way this man thinks and acts.

If any other Republican were the nominee and won today’s election, I would be sad, but not despondent. If Mike Pence were to become our next president, I’d live with it. If Nikki Haley were to become president, I’d live with it. But I will not be able to live with Donald Trump as my president.

Political depression is real and it is a condition that deserves more attention and dialogue.

Growing up, candidates were criticized if they resorted to dirty politics. Now dirty politics is the norm.

You don’t see political ads stating the positive changes a candidate will do. No – every single political ad run nowadays only criticizes their opponents stating what an evil person they are. These ads find the ugliest, most awkward pictures of their opponents and feature them prominently.

They are called negative ads for a reason.

Trump’s whole campaign has been negative. He has negativity exuding out of every pore of his body. The guy never smiles. When he does, it looks awkward and contrived.

The man is a narcissist. I hate narcissists. I have no respect for anyone who shows no humility, especially someone who has been handed everything since birth.

Trump says he is the best president this nation has ever seen. He claims his opponents are the worst at everything. Joe Biden is the worst president and Kamala Harris is the worst vice president ever. By far,

If Harris is elected, Trump predicts World War III and another Great Depression. Correction – he claims the economy will crash even worse than the Great Depression.

Trump talks about Haitians eating people’s pets. Trump talks about abortions being conducted after babies are born. Trump talks about a golfing legend’s private parts. Trump talks about dead whales being washed ashore.

What kind of an example and role model is that? Who wants to hear this negative bullshit every day for the next four years? Who wants to live in fear of imprisonment or audits for no righteous reason? Who wants to live in fear of dying?

Hyperbole? Ask that of the families of the millions of people who died of COVID. Ask that of the women who have died due to dangerous pregnancies because they are denied abortions. Ask that of the family of Brian Sicknick – the United States Capitol police officer who died during the riots on January 6, 2021.

Am I living in a nightmare? Is this what this world has come to? If so, I don't want any part of it.

So do your part and vote. I am not telling you who to vote for, but I will tell you this – who you vote for says a lot about who you are.