The judicial system has let me down

I have been hesitant to write about the process I have had to endure for the last two and a half years to try to obtain Social Security Disability benefits. It has been ongoing, so I didn’t want to do anything, however innocuous, to jeopardize my case.

Little did I know that there is nothing deemed “innocuous” to these people, and my judge, in particular. Au contraire.

I had my hearing in front of an Administrative Law Judge (ALJ) on January 29. I had been waiting since August of last year for this hearing. The hearing is the third, and most important, step in the process of obtaining benefits.

The first step is the initial decision to approve or deny your application. Most people get denied, initially. After being denied, the second step would be to appeal. Even fewer people are approved on appeal.

The third step is a hearing in front of a judge. This will be the first and only time I will have a chance to tell my story and face someone face to face. This is the step where I would have the best chance of getting approved. No pressure.

I had hired a law firm to represent me. I did my diligence in choosing a lawyer. By “diligence,” I mean I googled “Best Social Security Disability Lawyers in Rhode Island.” I clicked on the top four or five firms that came up. I checked out their websites. I read their reviews.

I decided on a law firm called Green & Greenberg. I have no problem naming them. Based on the ultimate outcome of my case, this article may turn into a very glowing review of them or a scathing indictment to stay away. As of right now, the jury is still out, no pun intended.

I was told by someone (a secretary? Legal assistant?) at the law firm that I would be contacted a day or two ahead of the hearing by my actual lawyer who will represent me at the hearing. I was a little worried about waiting another six weeks to talk to my lawyer, but the person on the phone assured me it was best to wait until as close to the hearing as possible. That way my preparation would be fresh in my head. OK. They should know what they are doing.

My hearing was on a Monday. I spoke to my lawyer for the first and only time on the Friday before. We spoke for about forty minutes. I say “we,” but it was mostly him. Every time I tried to get a question in, he would continue with his script which I’m sure he had memorized due to saying it countless times to his clients over the years. Be respectful to the judge. Don’t say too much. Don’t interrupt anybody. Tell the truth. Don’t embellish.

He said I had a very strong case. He was very happy with the reports submitted by my doctors and therapists. He said they were very detailed. I had no idea what those details were, but I was relieved a bit that it sounded like the doctors understood and appreciated the gravity of my situation.

My lawyer did ask me a couple of questions which I found odd and irrelevant to my case. He also asked me if I had been out of state recently, and I told him that I had gone to Cape Cod for two days over Christmas break. Cape Cod is about an hour drive from my house.

He, initially, expressed concern about this, but then rationalized it himself. My partner, Erin, is a school teacher so it is understandable that she would want to get away on her school vacation. What was she expected to do –go away by herself while I moped around at home for eternity?

So that was the discussion. Again, I was a little worried that we didn’t do a mock hearing. I had done my research. By “research,” I mean I had watched, probably, every YouTube video of what to expect during a hearing and what to say or not say during a hearing. Every video said that your lawyer should meet with you two or three times in the days leading up to the hearing to prep you for the hearing. You should practice the questions that will be asked.

I spoke with my lawyer over the phone this one time. We did no mock trial. We did not practice my answers. But, I was relieved my lawyer said my medical records were solid and he felt very confident we had a winnable case. He should know what he is doing.

I am trying to keep this as brief as possible so I don’t want to get into too many details about the hearing itself. I may do that in another article. Suffice to say, I got to speak at the hearing for about ten minutes. I had to summarize my whole life and the cause and effects of my depression in ten minutes.

Immediately after the hearing, my lawyer called me and told me I did “great.” He said he, obviously, couldn’t guarantee anything, but he felt we had a very strong case. For the rest of the day, I felt cautiously optimistic, but mostly relieved. I had been waiting for this hearing for so long. I did my part and my lawyer said I did “great.” He should know what he is talking about.

I was told I would hear the judge’s decision in six to eight weeks. My financial situation had passed the “dire” status months ago. I would have to stretch out my money for another two months, but I thought I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I needed this. More importantly, I deserved this. I had been through Hell.

Then I got the decision. I was told I would receive the decision in the mail, but I learned from watching YouTube videos that I could get the decision the quickest by checking my account on the Social Security website. So I checked every day. As the six-week mark approached, I checked two or three times per day.

Then one day, after signing in and going through the verification hoops, I saw the statement on my home page: “Appeal Denied.” I was defeated. My life is over. I, immediately fell deeper into my depression. Any progress I had made over the last two years was gone, and then some. This was a new low. Suicidal thoughts were stronger than ever. It was my only way out. Just get through today. Tomorrow will be better.

My lawyer’s office called me a couple of days later to tell me what I already knew. I could hear the obligatory disappointment in the lady’s voice. She told me my lawyer would review the details of the decision when he gets it and get back to me as to whether or not we had grounds to appeal.

I was still devastated, but I was maybe starting to accept the decision a little more and contemplating next steps. Obviously, losing was always a possibility, especially trying to prove a mental disability. So I waited for the detailed decision to come in the mail. The final dagger.

A couple days later, the envelope stamped “Social Security Administration” came in the mail. I opened the envelope and unfolded the enclosed papers. It was twelve pages long – six double-sided papers. The first four pages were legal mumbo jumbo. Then, I got to the details.

The judge (always referred to as “the undersigned”) considered my depression as only moderately affecting my ability to work. She held things against me such as going to the park daily, playing chess and Boggle, going over a friend’s house to watch Patriots’ games, going on two vacations in three years, cooking, and, yes, writing a blog. Doing what I am currently doing is a bad thing. All these activities I was told to do by my therapists. Get outside. Get some fresh air. Do mind stimulating games. Get away for a few days. Learn something new to try to connect with your mother.

At this point in the ruling, I was just shaking my head. Then I came to the part where she referred, specifically, to my treating doctors and therapists. Both my psychiatrist and therapist stated my condition “precluded all work.” The judge then stated she found their diagnoses “non persuasive.” What?!?! I had no idea my therapists had written this. I had never seen my medical records and had no idea what was included in them. I also never asked my therapists about anything related to their conclusions or tried to influence them in any way. Now I was irate.

Even the therapist at Butler Hospital where I participated in a partial hospitalization in January stated that I had major depression. She found him only “partially persuasive.” This judge, who heard me talk for only ten minutes, was overruling doctors who had been treating me on a weekly basis for two years. She was calling them liars. Did she think I bribed them? How about the therapist from the mental hospital? I had only just met him. He was as impartial as they come. Yet she only found him “partially persuasive”?

I was still furious as I finished reading the entirety of the decision. But, then it hit me. At no point during her twelve page diatribe did she make mention of my mother’s passing and the effect it had on me. Whoa! Now my furiousness went to another level. That was the whole crux of my depression. How could she not mention it once? It was like her death never happened. She mentioned me playing chess four times! I am feeling the rage build up again as I type this.

A few moments later, I realized she never mentioned medications that I took. Everything I saw or read stated that in order to win a case you need to keep up with regular doctor’s visits and show you are taking medications, preferably trying different combinations. I testified during my hearing that I had taken four different depression meds over the last two years and none of them had any effect on my mood or energy level. The judge did not mention this.

The judge also referred to the vocational expert listing three jobs that I could do. During every hearing, there is an individual, sitting in, who is considered a vocational expert. His job is to listen to the testimony and, at the end, determine if there are any jobs in the U.S. economy that I can do.

This “expert” listed three jobs that I, conceivably, could do: press operator, racker/bakery, and marker. What the hell is a marker? Bakery racker I came to find out is someone who just puts donuts on a rack or shelf.

What the judge did not mention was that the vocational expert was then asked by my lawyer if, in this hypothetical, the employee called out frequently or had to go home early often if there were any jobs in the U.S. economy that he could do. The expert’s answer was, “No, there are not.”

I had testified during the hearing that during my last two months working, I had called out frequently and left work mid-shift at least once per week or I would go in a couple hours late. No mention of that.

The judge even mentioned, in her conclusion, that I should not work with the general public, that I could not work in tandem with anyone or as part of a team, and that I can't work any assembly line jobs or jobs that involve quotas. What does that leave? What job does not involve finishing jobs in a certain amount of time?

As I am writing this, I am awaiting a phone call, or at least an email from my lawyer to discuss this ruling. I called the office and emailed him about three days ago. The lady at the office said he is reviewing some other cases and would get back to me in a couple of days. Shows you where I rank on the priority list.

I have in recent days looked into the viability of switching lawyers at this late stage of the process. What I have learned is that it is possible, but not recommended. If a new lawyer would be willing to take on my case, if he (we) wins, he would have to split his fee with the first lawyer I fired unless that first lawyer waives his fee. That would be highly unlikely as the initial law firm has done all of the work to this point of gathering medical records (and I don’t know what more).

I am not pleased with my lawyer due to the fact that he only asked me two questions upon cross-examination and they were the two dumb questions he asked me during the phone call leading up to the hearing - both of which the judge never mentioned and I thought could, if anything, hurt my case. The lawyer also never followed up on the issues the judge harped on in her decision of going to the park, playing chess, cooking, going away for a couple of days to New Hampshire or the Cape, or journaling. I would have loved the opportunity to explain all of them. With all his experience, the lawyer should have known the judge might use this against me. I still don't understand how she did use this against me, but the lawyer should have suspected something.

So I sit and wait. If this lawyer agrees with me and appeals, I will have to wait months for some Appeals Council in Virginia or Maryland to decide if the appeal is upheld. Then – get this! – if the appeals court does uphold the appeal, the case gets sent back to the same judge that denied me. I mean, come on.

This whole process has been a nightmare. I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone.